Things you realise
Friendship is a difficult thing.
People come in and out of your life, some making a lasting impression in just moments. Others are with you forever, like fixed points of safety in a vast ocean. The only truth is you never know who you'll be friends with and how long it will last.
There is a false idea that the longer you know someone the closer the bond. I'd argue you can find a bond with someone you've just met, and it might be more meaningful than all of you can fathom.
Friendships like romantic relationships need maintenance. The degree can vary person to person. I know I have some special people in my life that it doesn't matter how often we speak or how far away they are, I can pick up the phone, write a letter or see them after years of silence and some how its like nothing has changed.
Others can be so important in one period of your life and then suddenly vanish, never to be seen or heard from again. And that's natural, some friendships run their course, its no ones fault, nothing happened and there is no point even chasing after it.
Some people are by your side, sharing tears and laughter, no matter what. These are the rarest of all and we are lucky to have them. The family that you choose.
And then there are the painful ones. The ones we let close to our hearts but one day betray us, and when these start to die, the pain is a crippling as any break up or bereavement.
The sad fact of like is, that when you like someone, you can become blind to who they are. When that faith is broken, its hard to face the all too sore reality. This person is not who you thought they were.
There is nothing as cold as reaching out to someone you are invested in, only to find they don't care. This goes for family and lovers but especially friends. Why? Because we chose them.
Dealing with that rejection, coupled with the embarrassment and disappointment/disillusionment is not an easy task.
There are friends who I thought the world of, who abandoned me when I needed them the most. These still, despite the logic, the passage of time and new friends. Mainly because I'll never know why. Unlike a relationship they didn't fall out of love. Its more calculated, and therein lies the truth. Friendship is difficult. Its rewarding, enriching and endlessly unpredictable but also heartbreaking.