28/11/2012

The subtle things

Given there is a new Bill and Ted movie set to come out I feel the need to point out the sutble but wonderful impact the previous films have had on language.

I might have started using these in ironic way but over time it just became normal. Yes I might shout excellent and mentally be playing air guitar but that part is optional.

I do this now for a new generation of excellent fans who might not understand the multifaceted meaning of such a totally awsome words.

Here is my quick guide

Regular Meaning
dude = friend or someone of the male persausion
bogus = not genuine
heinous = hateful or totally reprehensible
excellent = of great worth or high quality
triuphant = victorious
babe = a baby or young child
totally outrageous = a terrible thing that causes outrage

Extra dimensions
duuudee =
You are my best friend
dude! =
That is not cool but I'm telling you in a nice way
dead dude =
a dead person
bogus =
rubbish
heinous =
unfortunate
excellent =
good
triuphant =
yeah that is the dogs b******s
babe =
an attracive girl
totally outrageous = something that was great fun

18/11/2012

Simple pleasures

I often find its the simplest things that are the tastiest.

There are few things I like better on a cold winter morning than warm bread, freshly baked and tasty golden honey. If there is a mug of hot creamy chocolate on the side you'll find me like a very a very happy fat house cat curled up on the sofa in pure glee.

Often it's these simple pleasure that have to most evocative memories. Our associations with these flavours and scents colour our moods in a far more vivid way than any photograph.

That smell of spices will always remind me of my mum's kitchen no matter where I am or the Cinnabon sickly sweet pervasive scent that transports me to the hustle and bustle of Piccadilly circus. There are times when this can deceive too, soon there will be the divine lure of roast chestnuts through London - but can I eat them, nope seriously horrid things.

But the scent that really gets me is that of coffee, it is like a Siren's call.


12/11/2012

Boundaries

Someone mentioned a Spa Day to me this weekend. They were being nice, I accept this but you see the idea of a Spa horrifies me, I can't think of anything less relaxing. This is mainly due to the fact I don't like physical contact with people I don't know. So a Spa with its treatments and such = terror. Massages are the worse thing I can imagine, Firstly who are these people, where have their hands been? How are they OK with touching you?
Lets not even mention all those people in nothing but towels showing too much shall we say "skin". I mean its hard to look them in the eye after you've seen everything but that is a whole other can of worms. Lastly the cumber eyes, I loath the smell of cucumbers.


I'm certain I'm not alone in the desire not to be touched and in the case of a Spa people are paying for the whole experience and on some level must enjoy this (its beyond me). But what about all this involuntary touching? E has tattoos and on numerous occasions, perfect strangers will think its OK to touch them. How is this remotely normal? Since when was a tattoo a public invitation? What is more bizarre are the offenders who are surprised that he doesn't like these random assaults upon his person.

However these invasion of personal space is not limited to just those with ink. Oh no the rest of us get stuck with it wherever we go too. Travel being the prime example. We have been on the tube or bus in peak times, all crowded on to an already packed carriage but there are certain etiquette's that most people try to follow. Like not standing on top of someone if there is an inch to step away, no leaning on the bar if more than one person needs to hold it. The little things. This is why I start work as early as I can, that way I avoid congestion and often get a seat. After all this effort what am I rewarded with? More often then not I'm sitting in my seat reading and then a man will sit next to me. I have no objection to men in general, just a certain type of Man. The ones who sit with their legs so wide apart I wonder if they are in training to do the splits. Half of these men, not satisfied with a seat to themselves take over my seat almost entirely and I'm so very away of the pressure from their thighs right against mine. I've even seen some take over two seats on a packed tube and everyone else be too polite to get the guy to move just a little and offer someones tired feet relief. In fairness its not just women who suffer its the decent guys who are able to sit properly who boxed in too. The worst offenders are those who do this in the theatre or on a plane. You know who you are and I beg you, stop it!

Do not touch the following:
1. People you do not have permission to touch
2. Me