Being Nice Destroys Lives

I'm comfortable with the fact I'm not a "nice" person. 

Even though I don't consider myself to be particularly mean or nasty either, I come to the conclusion I just can't live with nice.

Why? Well when your too nice it tends to be the only thing people say about you. Its often used as a substitute instead of saying what you actually think for feel about someone. To me that translates as "well we couldn't think of anything else to say". 

Don't get me wrong, I can't stand rudeness at all but there is this horrid underbelly of overt politeness that can be infuriating. People in an attempt to be perceived as being nice, go out of there way to please others, my mother has this down to an art form and I, alas, am no exception. 

Take for example the lending and borrowing of personal items. Now I'm rather particular about who I lend things to or I wish I could be, because there are people who borrow and Never ever return, people who borrow and destroy and don't care and everyone else who is capable of borrowing and returning without incident. 

Anyone who knows me, know I love my books. But often I go to re-reading something and realise its been lent out and its been soo long that you can't ask for it back - nor can you say no when they ask to borrow something else (of course this depends on the relationship you have with the person). I do have friends that I can lend to and not think about it and then you get the wonderful conversation about whether they liked or hated the book, which is the whole point.

But I can't say no to the others 

This is because I'm trying to not seem like an insane ungenerous cow.  
I'm sure we've all done it and regretted it. I lent a first editions of a book I really loved to someone and even explained to them that it was special to me - that was 3 years ago and now they've left the country. 

When really there should be no problem  in asking for your things back we don't. 
All of this in the name of niceness. 

I could site a hundred more examples of this behaviour. Its a shame as human we just want to be liked and believe being nice will get us this status.

I'm convinced its an illness and I want rid of it.


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  2. In that case, I think you should try it out. You have loads of friends and I think the ones you want to keep usually understand and respect your love for books, movies, etc. Obviously I am just saying the same should go to your DVDs as I have seen the state that some have been returned if they get returned.

    I agree with you , I have myself been questioning whether in my haste to make people like me (though I am not sure why), people think I am a push over that needs protecting all the time. Would relationships then be based on someone feeling sorry for you for not being able to stand up for yourself or even to protect oneself.

  3. MC you are entirely right! Relationships should be based on mutual understanding and people do think if your nice your naive and soft.

    I am endeavouring to put this more assertive me, into practice, lets see how it goes.

  4. I think I know the feeling and I do agree that friendships should be basted on mutual trust for equal opportunities!

    Wishing you a great end to your week :-)

  5. Well the way I view it is you can just as nicely ask for it back-and you can be assertive and nice as well. If i lent out something that I wanted back, I usually keep track of it and ask for it back-but if you wait too long, sometimes something happens to the item-but then, you can figure out by then if you should consider this person a friend or not. And, then you have your answer.

  6. Oh no. I'd hate it if someone took my book and never gave it back.

    People are always thinking I'm nicer than I am because I can't say no and don't stand up for myself either. I'm working on it little by little. Good luck to you in doing the same!

  7. I've never been described as nice. Nor am I likely to. Sometimes I'm told I'm lovely, but it's said in amazement as much as anything :-)

    I say no often, it's actually quite easy once you do it a couple of times and realise your friends won't hold a grudge. I wish I could do it more often at work too. I've noticed over the years that the more no's you say, the more respect you get. Sad but true.

  8. Where I work "nice" is a sign of weakness. I don't use it very often.

  9. Those who borrow and don't return are a scourge on the world!

  10. Where I work we have to fake "nice" to get good tips. haha

    Shadow Falcon I miss your posts... how have you been?

  11. Sorry I've been absent, but I'll be posting more in the future!

  12. Exactly what I was looking.I have the same problem.I cannot say NO to people that easily and if I say 'No' it always haunts me for wrong reasons.Being sensitive/fickle minded person, I always regret for saying NO.And all my close friends know my weakness and how to manipulate me and make me say sorries for them or command me.I care for friends a lot and I try to be nice to maintain friendships and go overboard being nice to them.I always adjust for my friends but they hardly do I think its time for me to change myself and EXORCISE MY DEVILS.

    I really need to practice to say NO in a sweet way.

    If they really want me as friends, I am sure they are gonna come back.

    BTW, I LIKED this sentence "I've noticed over the years that the more no's you say, the more respect you get. Sad but true."

  13. Jo - Thanks for the kind comments and stopping by. I assure you, your real friends won't be offended if you say no to them.
    Something I'm trying to do is not apologising for something that isn't my fault. I say sorry for everything and its hard not to but give it ago - it actually makes you feel better and stronger. Good luck!


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