Seamus was my husbands dog for 13 years. He'd been my friend for the past 5. His ashes arrived at the house yesterday telling us all that he was really gone. Half of me expects to find him sleeping under the desk as I type, he'll wake up and give me the "Are we going for a walk yet?" look as if nothing had happened and he'd been there all along.
Seamus was more then a pet, he was a part of the family and I'll be missing him everyday.
Its January, named for Janus, God of beginnings, endings and doorways.
I always think of this month as being rather special, it has a way of telling you how the rest of the year is going to be. I'm a real believer in starting things the way you mean to end them. Its one of the reasons I don't bother with New Year resolutions - I think if your going to do sometime you don't need to declare it, you need to just get on with it. Though I know some people find them useful but few ever keep them.
Its summer here in Australia so nice and hot rather then the frosty weather I'm used to this time of year. Normally I'd relish the heat, but the longer I'm here the more I miss London and I think January is trying to tell me something. Before I thought I hated the gloomy mist that surrounds Hyde Park at 6:45 am but now its something I long to see.
I've always felt like and outsider, at school, at work even with my own family. London was the only place I ever felt truly comfortable. Its strange that it takes living on the other side of the world to realize a great many things. I miss the noise and the feel of that large city, I love the way there are about 10-12 million people buzzing about but you still feel connected somehow.
I miss the bookshops I like to browse in with dusty shelves and hidden cafes on cobbled backstreets. I long for those magnificent pieces of the city that reflect the long passage of time, from ancients Celts, settling Romans, invading Vikings and so forth to new cultures from even further a field each with its own pocket in the city. The familiar buildings, walks, statues and gardens the modern futurist buildings of Canary Wharf to the Gothic beauty of St Pancras Station.
I had hoped to come here and experience new things and find whatever it was I thought I was lacking.
I have experienced and gained many things I couldn't or haven't been able to do before, I got my drivers license for one, I've held a bird of prey and stroked a crocodile, climbed a sort of mountain. But the longing in my heart is telling me to go home...