19/03/2007

Alls fair in Love and War?

I've been reading a novel called "The Trial of True Love". The protaganist is head over heels for a women he can't have. Yep one of those stories, not a fantastic book but it got me thinking. Why is it so endearing to read/watch a guy pursue a women in earnest as opposed to a women chasing a man. (I don't know enough about gay couples to comment so I'll stick to hetrosexual relationships for this post though I'm sure it all applies).

Think about it, if a girl is chasing a guy with complete zeal and he is not interested the main assumption people make is that she is a - desperate b- shamless. Whereas when a guy chases a women relentlessly he is a - a stalker b - adorablely sincere. Why the distinction, or is it just me who sees it this way?

Don't get me wrong I'm not about to go down the men vs women route in the quest for love cos we know that nobody really gets an easier a time.

The Beatles said "all we need is love" most of us spend much or our free time when we are single in the pursuit of it, in a relationship - maintianing it and as parents you spend all your timing giving it. So as much as I hate to doubt the Beatles - yes we all need love but is it enough?

What is love with out understanding and respect? And what do you do if the one you love doesn't return those affections...

So my question is is all really that fair in Love and War?

23 comments:

  1. Generally speaking, I don't think much is fair in love and war. Unrequited love probably hurts the most. But so can other kinds of love--for people, pets, and causes--if it dies of neglect, or just plain dies for some reason.

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  2. Well said my dear pal and yes, there is no love is there is no respect & understanding, having said that, love is also compromising and forgiving too.

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  3. Great song in its time for the Beatles - "all you need is love". Written and performed by 4 teenage males for 14, 15, 16 year old screaming female fans. I suppose one can be quite idealistic as perhaps the song title is.

    Then we have the beaten wife - Tina Turner singing - "what is love but a second hand emotion". I suppose it says a bit about her life as well.

    Graffiti

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  4. If affection is a one way street someone is bound to get hurt.
    And I guess the world still wants the hunter to hunt...I dont know.....Love is tough.....well for me anyway:)
    And without respect and understanding, it will be hard:)

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  5. Well lets keep this post short and sweet.

    No, it is not (my opinion of course)

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  6. 4 out of 5 judges called it stalking, so I have given up on the pursuit, thanks for the painful memories,

    just kidding.

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  7. Nothing is fair in love and war. Everything is egotistic. We hope that, in love, we can give to another as much as we enjoy for ourselves but how often do we really do that? In war it is about imposing rule on others, and there are two sides to every story.

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  8. Its not fair in love when you are the one holding the short end of the stick- but it is more socially acceptable for a man to chase a woman than a woman chasing a man.

    I agree with you-it takes two to tango and there are many women who are heart breakers-

    The question about unrequited love is a difficult one-whether it is a known or unknown love does not make a difference I think in the pain it can generate.

    I try to live by the motto-not always very successfully on my end I have to admit-to treat others as I want them to treat me-simple, yet very challenging and difficult-if love followed that rule, then it may be an easier emotion to deal with, I believe.

    Nice thought provoking post, ShadowFalcon.

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  9. Its not fair in love when you are the one holding the short end of the stick- but it is more socially acceptable for a man to chase a woman than a woman chasing a man.

    I agree with you-it takes two to tango and there are many women who are heart breakers-

    The question about unrequited love is a difficult one-whether it is a known or unknown love does not make a difference I think in the pain it can generate.

    I try to live by the motto-not always very successfully on my end I have to admit-to treat others as I want them to treat me-simple, yet very challenging and difficult-if love followed that rule, then it may be an easier emotion to deal with, I believe.

    Nice thought provoking post, ShadowFalcon.

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  10. It may not be fair, but sometimes it's kind of satisfying. ;)

    Steve~

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  11. Life's not fair. So how can anything in it be?
    Peace

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  12. Since I always fall for repressed gay men, I know exactly how these people feel. I'm like Romeo and Juliet rolled into one.

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  13. Nope, not fair at all. You end up hurting and being hurt far too often. And you realize you made bad decisions and it's too late to change them. But maybe it isn't, because that part isn't fair either.

    A romantic pursuit which comes from pure sincerity is a beautiful thing to behold. Just because nobody but romance authors write about women pursuing men doesn't mean those stories can't be just as valid.

    Ian

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  14. I think it may have to do with the physical power thing. Men are physically stronger (on average) than women, so to see a guy grovelling for a woman is funny. A big lunk begging a tiny little woman for attention.

    But to see a woman grovelling for a guy is sometimes kind of sad because she often appears so vulnerable. Maybe?

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  15. Love can be so unfair for men and women. And I don't necessarily think it's easier on anyone.

    I always felt bad for guys who would hopelessly pursue women who weren't interested. I was on the receiving end of this a time or two and it's really hard to find a way to let someone down gently. Also, when a woman likes a man she will often accept flirty behavior that she might consider "sexual harassment" from a man she doesn't find attractive. I've seen this happen and there is definitely a double standard.

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  16. "Love? Lord above! Now you're trying to trick me with love!"

    All Right Now - Free

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  17. *all I can say to this, RIGHTNOW, is you are correct. It is very satisfying as a female to know that men do fall waay head over heels in love.

    *smile

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  18. As a happily married sham, I do agree with Blake.

    "He who binds to himself a joy,
    Does the winged life destroy,
    But he who kisses the joy as it flies,
    Lives in eternity's sun rise."

    It is true. But it's a bit too warm to live there forever. And I was never in a relationship where both refused not to bind. It's all the fault of marriage. You spend so long questioning is s/he the one without living fully.

    The secret might be not to crave.

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  19. i dunno...maybe people are more intrigued by stalkers

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  20. Your post made me think. I don't distinguish between men and women - anyone who's repeatedly pursuing someone who's not really interested in them is either a stalker or desperate in my book, and not adorable at all.
    My take on the world is that "to love is to be happy with" therefore you can't ever have unreciprocated love - unless, I suppose, misery makes you happy (which I suspect is true of many people).

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  21. A couple of great points in your post...

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  22. cute picture! Hey that is some food for thought... why don't they have women chase men in books? Have a great weekend!

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  23. You know, after reading the most of your posts this year, that life is more than "All you need is love".
    In fact - not at all. At the end of the the day: "All you need is respect". That is the only feeling you can live a good life with.

    btw. Sorry to be helpless to express such a matter - have a little hug then from Oslo...

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