Cake or Death?

Whenever I'm really in need of a pick me up there is one place I turn, I pick up my MP3 player and listen to the show Glorious.

For those of you who haven't met him, this is Eddie Izzard.

He's a British comedian and actor and to me probably the funniest person alive. As you might have noticed from the pic he's also a transvestite, which in his case means his outfits can be as bizarre as some of his material. The movies he's been in are pretty good (like Mystery Men though sometimes your wondering what he was thinking) but on stage he really comes in to his own. Its like no one before, he doesn't just stand there and tell jokes with a few anecdote about his life, no its insane and you never quite know where he'll go next, badgers, monkeys, world history, God, supermarkets, sometimes in that order. Don't believe me, well here are just a few quotes, but I beg you watch at least one of his stand up show and I promise you to will be won over.

  • I am a professional transvestite, so I can run about in heels and not fall over. Cause if a woman falls over wearing heels, that’s embarrassing. But if a bloke falls over wearing heels, you have to kill yourself.
  • We stole countries with the cunning use of flags. Just sail around the world and stick a flag in. "I claim India for Britain!" And they're going, "You can't claim us, we live here! Five hundred million of us!" "Do you have a flag? … No flag, no country!"
  • You notice how they always put the fruit and veg at the entrance to the supermarket? You go in thinking 'this is a fresh shop, everything in here is FRESH! I will do well to shop here' You never go straight to the bit with the toilet paper, loo brushes and such do you? You'd think 'this is a POO shop! Everything in here is themed on POO!'
  • If you've never seen an elephant ski, then you've never been on acid.
  • I need Bread for my Bread gun
  • But with dogs, we do have “bad dog.” Bad dog exists. “Bad dog! Bad dog! Stole a biscuit, bad dog!” The dog is saying, “Who are you to judge me? You human beings who’ve had genocide, war against people of different creeds, colours, religions, and I stole a biscuit?! Is that a crime? People of the world!
    “Well, if you put it that way, I think you’ve got a point. Have another biscuit.”
  • Guns don't kill people, people kill people, and monkeys do too (if they have a gun).
  • Never put a sock in a toaster.

Comments

  1. Canteen Worker: What's the Death Star?
    Darth Vader: This is the Death Star! You're in the Death Star! I run this star!
    Canteen Worker: This is a star?
    Darth Vader: This is a fucking star! I run it! I'm your boss.
    Canteen Worker: You're Mr. Stevens?
    Darth Vader: No, I'm … who is Mr. Stevens?
    Canteen Worker: He's Head of Catering.
    Darth Vader: I'm not Head of Catering! I am Vader, I can kill catering with a thought.

    ReplyDelete
  2. sounds like a funny "bloke", I'll have to check him/her out...lol
    Peace

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  3. Funny. Very funny.

    I feel better about falling heels now. At least I'm not a guy.

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  4. If you've never seen an elephant ski, then you've never been on acid.
    That’s great, lmao. I am going to check it out.

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  5. Just this morning, I said "Bad Kitty!", when the cat drank out of the sink. I feel so hypocritical.

    Love the entry!

    Sara :)

    ReplyDelete
  6. "Um, Cake please."

    Knew from the title of the post that I'd enjoy it. Now I have to watch "Glorious" again.

    Came by your blog via Lizza at "I am Woman..." -- a good read all around.

    Cheers.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I haven't seen much of Eddie Izzard. But I've laughed so hard from this little video that I saw sometime ago. There are some other Eddie Izzard clips there, but I haven't watched them yet.

    Thanks for sharing!

    ReplyDelete

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